06 Jan

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, sex frustrates me!

 And no, I”m not talking about the lack of it in my personal life here. I’m talking WRITING sex! Why is it so difficult for me? I’ve done it before – well, written it as well as…oh never mind – so why is it that when it comes to doing it again, I get… tongue tied, as it were? My fingers don’t work the way they’re supposed to…  yes, people, I’m still talking about writing the scene here…

The first seven thousand words or so of the new book (Working title: The Episode) fairly flew out of my fingertips. My keyboard was smokin from the speed with which I typed. But now I’m in a chapter where there will be sex (I know – late in the book for me, but that’s just how this one rolls) and all writing has stopped.

Just a blank page stares at me when I log on. A few words get written, then deleted, then there I sit again.

Why, oh why, can’t I write sex scenes? I can write kissing scenes.

And I can write teasing scenes.Here’s a little example from the current work-in-progress:

“What? Oh yeah, the thing. Um, the alphabetizer. That’s what I’m looking for.”

“Oh!” Amber laughed. “Sure, I know where one is.”

She opened a cabinet at the far end of the room. Shilo leaned against the table and admired how Amber’s faded jeans clung to her tight ass. She felt her clit grow, pressing into the seam of her own jeans as she thought how nice it would be to lock the supply room door and peel those jeans off Amber.

Amber turned and put her hands on her hips. Shilo knew she’d been busted. She grinned, but said nothing.

“I need your help,” Amber said.

Shilo pushed away from the table.

“What do you need?”

“I’m not tall enough to reach it. It’s on the second shelf from the top.”

Shilo walked up next to her. Amber came to Shilo’s chin. She’s never realized just how short she was.

“You’re short.”

“I’m vertically challenged.”

Shilo reached up and easily grabbed the alphabetizer.

“Thanks a lot for your help.”

“No problem.” She turned toward the door, then stopped and looked back at Shilo. “And next time? Don’t look at me like that unless you mean it.”

But the actual sex scenes? They throw me for a loop. Every time.

I’ve had over 25 short stories published, mostly erotica. I’ve had two novels published in the Heat Stroke brand of BSB, due to their, well, heat content. Lots of sex. The were erotic novels.

So, why can’t I write sex?

I usually blame it on the fact that it’s hard to write because I want it to be original, not like every other sex scene you’ve read, including ones I’ve written. And that’s true. My greatest fear is to have someone say, “Oh, jeez. MJ Williamz’ sex scenes are all the same.” I’d be devastated! So I know that’s not the only reason. There have to be more.

Do I think about sex?Maybe once or twice… a minute!!!

Seriously – I can see the characters going at it. I can feel the intensity of their actions and reactions. And that’s another issue I think I have with writing sex. I worry it’ll come across mechanical. I don’t want it to be all:

“See Jane lick.”

“Hear Sally gasp.”

Ya know? I want the readers to experience every lick and suck and nibble. I want the readers to identify with at least one, preferably both characters. But I want them to experience more than just the tactile sensations. I want them to feel what the women are feeling inside, too (As in their emotions, dirty minded people).

But you know what I’m saying, right? And that’s hard. I don’t like them to feel flat.

And then there’s the appropriate-to-the-moment factor. I’ve already said I don’t want to repeat them, but each scene has to be appropriate to what’s going on in the book. If the two are at a theater and one is quietly stroking the other one, a fisting scene wouldn’t exactly be appropriate, right? And if a character is shy and timid, it might not be right, either. It has to be right for the scene and the characters.

So, those are a few of my theories. Whatever the reason I have a heck of a time writing sex scenes. I thought I was over it with Forbidden passions, but not so. Not so, at all.

At least, when faced with writing a sex scene, I write – what? Two blogs so far for this one sex scene? LOL So maybe the block is good for something.

Anyone have any input? Any theories on why I have such a hard time with these? Any ideas on how to overcome them? Any feedback? Comments? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

OK, It’s time to post this blog and – I dunno – maybe go write the dagblasted sex scene!?!?!?


Posted by on January 6, 2012 in Writing


24 responses to “Frustrated!

  1. Kaitlin

    January 6, 2012 at 19:23

    Well hi! I just started a five-part series with sex tips and stuff! I mean, you seem like you know *how* to do it (er, at least, being a published erotica author, I’d assume so), but hell, maybe it’ll inspire?

    High five!

    • mjwilliamz

      January 6, 2012 at 19:49

      Hi Kaitln!
      Where does one find said five-part series?
      And thank you very much for taking the time to read my blog!

  2. carrie

    January 6, 2012 at 19:26

    My first reaction? If sex frustrates you, you must not be doing it right. LOL

    Seriously, have you tried to think the scene thru, first? See it in your head, possibly putting yourself & a fantasy mate in their place? Sometimes “seeing” it firsthand clears things up.

    Just an idea.

    • mjwilliamz

      January 6, 2012 at 19:48

      I kinda do that, Carrie, if I’m understanding. And I can see and feel everything. I just can’t type the words to describe it. ?????

      • carrie

        January 6, 2012 at 19:51

        How about talking it out? Maybe record yourself working thru it?

  3. Lee McLean-Houle

    January 6, 2012 at 19:37

    There was a commentary on NPR this week about streaks. No…not the naked kind. Like athletes who do really, really well time and time again….and then blow it. (get your mind out of the gutter) LOL

    It turns out it is because at the beginning of the streak the athlete is not thinking, just doing. It is a talent. You have the ball, you throw it into the hoop. Time and time again. And it seems that almost every time, the player hits the hoop for the shot. And then, something happens. He misses. Yep….misses after a long run of hitting the hoop. It turns out that after a run of “luck,” he starts thinking about it. Starts analyzing it. And that is why he no longer hits the basket. He starts TRYING to do something he can just do naturally.

    Maybe that is the “problem” here. You are analyzing your writing. You say you can’t write sex scenes….and we readers know you can. Maybe instead of “trying” to write a sex scene, just sit down and write it. Let the words flow. Don’t think about it…just do it.

    (gets down off soap box)

    Hope that maybe helps. 🙂

    • mjwilliamz

      January 6, 2012 at 19:47

      That makes a lot of sense, Lee. Thanks for sharing that. I may just try it.

  4. mjwilliamz

    January 6, 2012 at 19:56

    Carrie – It’s not letting me reply to your reply, so I’m posting this as it’s own comment.
    That’s a FANTASTIC idea! I think I’ll try that over the weekend and see if it helps. Thank you sooo much!

  5. Carrie Carr

    January 6, 2012 at 20:52

    Hope it helps, Mj. I’ve been known to walk around with a recorder, talking out scenes – although not sex scenes, LOL! My neighbors already think I’m crazy. 🙂 Good luck – if you need a cheerleader, let me know 🙂

  6. Writing Jobs

    January 6, 2012 at 21:08

    Great post. I enjoyed reading your blog today.

    If you love to write we would love for you to join us!

    Writer Jobs

    • mjwilliamz

      January 7, 2012 at 13:59

      Please explain a little more what you do. I checked out your blog. It looks intriguing…

  7. Dawn Salisbury

    January 6, 2012 at 22:22

    Well, Mj….if you need a muse, I’m available as a muse….I wonder…Hmmm….maybe the costume I want to wear to the masquerade ball in New Orleans will give you some inspiration? Maybe some whips, chains….spanks …. or bent over a chair? Oh my maybe I need a cool shower….Let me know if any of these helped. 🙂

    • mjwilliamz

      January 7, 2012 at 13:55

      What would I do without you, Dawn?

  8. karen hoffman

    January 7, 2012 at 07:18

    have you tried recording into a tape recorder what is going on in your mind then “cleaning it up” for the book since most of us don`t think quite right for writting

  9. Lilaine

    January 7, 2012 at 09:51

    Hi MJ 🙂
    You said you write sex scenes using the appropriate-to-the-moment factor. Did you try to find another context(emotional, particular setting) in the story that could qualify as appropriate to the sex scene you have in mind? Sometimes little details (like shifting positions or decor, increasing-or simply adjusting- emotional intensity) may change the way you’re inspired to describe the scene and it could flow better. And if it works, it could simply be a question of adjusting the scene to the context you want it to occur in? (not sure I’m making sense, here…?)

    And to truly answer your question “Anyone have any input? Any theories on why I have such a hard time with these? Any ideas on how to overcome them?”
    I can think of one or two things one could put in that are theoretically hard and will give them such a good time they’ll have no idea how many times they’ve come, over and over again…
    (I used impersonal pronouns so that anybody could apply it to themselves. You included 😉 )
    Hope that’ll help. 🙂

    • mjwilliamz

      January 7, 2012 at 14:00

      I need to even get to the sex scene before I can take your advice! LOL I have stopped writing completely cuz I know a sex scene is… coming.. pun intended ;c) I’m going to finish this chapter today if it kills me! LOL
      Thanks for your input

  10. Annette P Clancy (irishlass)

    January 7, 2012 at 18:00

    Hey MJ, You are doing just fine. Irishlass

    • mjwilliamz

      January 7, 2012 at 18:01

      Thanks, woman. I really appreciate your support.

  11. Carol

    January 8, 2012 at 04:26

    MJ. There are some decent lesbian erotic movies out there. The first one I can think of is “Inescapable”, by Helen Lesnick.
    I’m not talking about watching pornography, just loving sex laden lesbian films.
    Maybe watching a few of those and then putting the feelings they evoke into words might help, but I agree with Annette.
    You are doing a good job already.


    • mjwilliamz

      January 8, 2012 at 10:16

      Thanks, Carol. You might be on to something, too. Besides, what harm could come out of watching a few movies? ;c)

  12. Denna

    January 9, 2012 at 12:11

    OMG! I do so love these blogs. Not only do you guys give us insight on your struggles and adventures of writing, you make me laugh and that’s priceless. I apologize for not being able to give you advice about “sex scene” block because I suck at writing but I love all your stories MJ.
    By the way, thanks for putting Marissa’s photo on here (Sailor) She’s from Placerville, Ca. where we live and we’re very proud of her.
    Hummm, sex on an aircraft carrier… bet that’s never happened 😉

    • mjwilliamz

      January 9, 2012 at 12:47

      Thank you for your compliments on my writing. I’m glad you enjoy them. It’s comments like that that help me persevere.
      I didn’t realize Marissa was from Placerville. That’s not far from my old stomping grounds. I went to Chico State and lived there for 19 years. I miss Norther California!

  13. Forever Femme

    January 12, 2012 at 13:49

    Hey MJ, it’s TajaRack (well the Taja part of the duo 😉 ) from FB. Your scenes are anything but mechanical but I do understand what you’re saying. When I started writing again, it was erotica. I wrote every scene in the first person (made for some interesting emails “Forever Femme, i didn’t know you got down like that” is one of my faves *laughing*). It wasn’t until later that my better half (Rack) suggested using names.

    The way I see it, a good lesbian sex scene is best when the names aren’t mixed up (still can’t get over a piece of Xena fanfic I read where instead of Xena doing Gabrielle, Xena did Xena!) and, And, AND the positions/scenario make sense…as in I can see myself doing it without a net. 😉

    • mjwilliamz

      January 12, 2012 at 13:59

      Hey Taja! Thanks! I’m glad you don’t think they’re mechanical. Erotica’s a challenge to write, to be sure.
      The names! OMG LOL! I have done that. I’ve been writing two short stories simultaneously and suddenly one character’s mouth is on a character from the other story. OOOOPS! LOL
      Positions are so critical. In Shots Fired, I wrote at least one sex scene with a character in a full leg cast. THAT was a challenge!
      Thanks for chiming in. I really appreciate it


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